Page 2 of comments on "I Feel Emotionally Detached – What Does It Mean And What Can I Do?"
by Sylvia Dickens
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lately I've been feeling emotionally numb to things that would usually upset me deeply. Like my dog i had for 10 years died, and i felt nothing... i knew i should have felt something, because i loved him dearly. Then i found out that my grandma is sick, and needs a pace maker, and once again I felt nothing. And just three days ago the guy I'm in love with breaks up with me, and again I feel absolutely nothing. And keep in mind all those things happend in the matter of 3 months.....I just feel like I'm becoming heartless... I'm lashing out at my family when they try to help... the only emotion i can express lately is anger, and I'm apathetic to other people, and that's totally not me. I don't know what to do. =(Hi Andrea,When nasty things happen all at once, your body will protect itself. I had a very similar situation myself back in 1989 when by dog of 16 years died. I was devastated and extremely distressed for months. The pain lasted about 5 years. My mother died that same year, but I was in such a bad state dealing with my dog's death that I didn't feel any grief when she died. Following the 3 months between my mother and dog dying, I lost my job because of some power-hungry boss. Job loss is another form of grief. A few months after that, I moved away - another high-stress event that can cause grief (loss of a familiar home).Our minds are not built to deal with one grief episode after another, so it shuts down our emotions as a self-protection response.In your case, if you had gone through a difficult time just prior to your dog's death, it's possible you had shut down your emotions to protect yourself. Depression has the same effect. It shuts down our emotions.There's actually a very close relationship between anger and depression. My therapist explained it this way:When I was unable to cope with a situation (because I was shy and afraid to speak out), I became frustrated because I felt helpless and unable to change my situation. This frustration turned to anger. (It was common for me to fly off the handle at the slightest thing.) When frustration and anger are not dealt with, depression results.The best advice I can give is that you look back and see if there is anything in your life causing you this type of frustration or anger and try to work on resolving that. You might not be able to recognize that your emotions are being blocked, but there is something going on that needs to be dealt with.It does sound like your anger might be related to frustration or even as a response to depression itself.Speak to your doctor. He/she can determine whether you are depressed and possibly prescribe something to help you. Of course, you can always talk to someone close to you who you trust, too. Sometimes, just talking it over with someone puts everything into perspective. They can even spot something you're not seeing that just might be the solution. Friends are often better for this than family because we have different relationships with our family than with outsiders.If you'd rather, check your local volunteer organizations for depression groups. They are made up of people who suffer from depression and, in many cases, the person running the meetings has some experience in counselling. These groups are usually open to the public and free.I hope this helps.Sylvia
Hello Sylvia,My symptoms and problems are similar to the above. However, i havn't been through anything dramatically life changing or horriffic.The only thing i can think of that may have caused this is the strain and pressure of coursework deadlines and numurous exams. But these kind of things have never affected my emotions in the past at all.I went through a 6 month bout of depression last year and i have a family history of depression. I was extremely detatched form everyone but myself. But i still felt emotional pain whereas now i dont in the slightest & its quite alarming.I would consider myself to be quite an emotionally;faith and spiritually orientated person but when im without emotion i feel quite lost.Its taking a strain on my relationship with God (which is a bond that should be stronger than any other, shouldnt it?); my personal relationships and my knowledge of myself.i've found your response to others extremely sensible & helpful but am curious as to whether you have anything to add to my situation specifically?Hi Hannah,There are several things that can cause a detachment from your emotions. Stress is certainly one of them, and so is depression. Sometimes, we don't know we're depressed. I didn't, until my doctor told me. I'd lived in that state most of my life and it had gradually gotten worse in my teens, so I didn't know anything else. Once he found the right medication for my depression, I felt tremendous. I couldn't believe the difference. Today, I've learned to live quite happily without meds., in case you're wondering.If depression runs in your family, it's highly likely you could have it, too, and perhaps not know it like in my situation.When we are depressed, we become numb. When we do feel anything, it's often sadness. Occasionally, we might feel happy, but it's generally temporary.In your situation, you might be in a deeper depression or it could be a combination of the stress and depression - frustration (as I said to another poster).Perhaps you need to get away from all the usual things that seem to be bringing you down. For me, a walk in the country - sitting quietly listening to nature - is the perfect cure. Even though the problem is still there when you return, at least it gives you a break and a chance to look at things in a different light.When I was younger (like, in my teens and early 20s), I took on the attitude that "I just don't care" and that caused any feelings to fade away. It was my response to situations that were too painful and I didn't know how to deal with them. So I just decided that I didn't care. When someone hurt me emotionally, I turned on my "I don't care" attitude and then, I could care less about anything. I know now that that was depression. The thing was, with that attitude, I didn't feel happy either.I really don't know how else to advise you, other than for you to try relaxing, do something that makes you feel good (something you excel at - maybe playing sports, walking, running, cycling, art, crafts, or even walking through the mall will help). By doing things that have always made you feel good, you can revitalize that side of your emotions. For me, it was writing and trying my hand at oil painting. I wasn't very good at oil painting, so when I did a good job, I felt great.Think back to things you did when you were younger - and how they made you feel. Get back into those activities.One good piece of advice my therapist gave me was to stop looking outside for someone to make me happy. I was always needing a boyfriend, approval from my parents and anyone else to boost my ego. I've since learned to look inside and have rediscovered myself. And surprised myself at just what skills I possess and how much fun I can have... just with me.Perhaps you need to reach that point, too.I hope this has helped you.Best regards,Sylvia
Thankyou for taking the time to advise me.i think your right in that i need to discover myself & let things come as they will.All the best to youHannahHi Hannah,I'm glad my response was helpful. I hope you get through this period quickly and painlessly.Best regards,Sylvia
Hi! Thank you for writing this article...I had my first attack in December of 08 and had been fine every since. Today I had symptoms AGAIN! and become extremely worried...your article helped me...I'm at work and was going to go to the ER...but I know I can overcome this. I moved to a new city alone and worked 2 jobs...knew not ONE person....now I believe it's the stress of bills and being in debt....I am on a new budget to maintain my current bills but have no way of paying on my already accumulated debt...I guess this is causing me extreme stress at the moment.....IS THERE ANY MEDICATION I should ask a doctor about if I don't soon get better?
Hi, I am not sure if I can still post on this website but I will give it a try. In the past three years I haven't felt a single emotion of happiness or excitement about anything in my life. I have been ignoring this feeling but nothing is changing and if anything I am feeling more and more hopeless and scared of what is happening to me. These symptoms happened after I experienced a lot of stress during a break up with my boyfriend at the time (we are married now) and I also had a few panic attacks. Eversince the attacks I have not been able to be happy, I would worry I would get it again, I started thinking about things and worrying about stuff I never worried about before, basically I stopped enjoying life all together all because of these panic attacks. I stopped looking forward to things too.I have not had a full blown panic attack for about two years, so I don't have an anxiety disorder but the feeling of emotional detachment has not gone away. Sylvia, do you have any advice for me? Could I be depressed? I only feel down because I can't seem to feel anything. I am tired and sleepy all the time, have a hard time waking up in the morning. I don't remember last time I woke up full of energy. I get a lot of headaches too. But most importatnly, I don't feel anything. I haven't even felt anything about getting married, or doing well on a test, or anything. I just feel like I am going through the motions like a robot.Please help, I don't know what to do anymore??? I wish I could be happy again
I feel a little better after reading that other people feel the way I do. The only difference is, I get these strange sensations like a combo of a niacan flush, dayzavo of a prior dream, it lasts a few seconds and I have an overwheling feeling of depression afterwards. It's hard to shake. Also am having very depressing dreams. It's hard to even go into my bedroom cause of the overwhelming feeling of detachment and depression coming from my bedroom. My neuroligist says it partial seizures...I don't buy it. Why would this be happening all of a sudden after 17 years of not having a seizure? Thank you for this site!
Hi thanks for writing this, lately I have been feeling detached, when I'm with family it isn't bad but I've noticed when I'm doing things that would just make a normal person nervous like public speaking, I don't feel anything. I'm only 17 and I've had a rough childhood but I live apart from all of the distress, well long story short i live with my dad and every two weeks or so i see my mom and usually the visits arent pleasant but i don't let it affect me anymore, least i dont think. I kind of figured out on my own that it was just anxiety, I get anxious randomly like in class, I've noticed it more when someone important is giving a lecture and as i mentioned before i dont feel connected most of the time. I mentioned my childhood because last time at my moms she was crying right in front of me over really sad stuff and i didn't feel anything. I use to be affected by that and now it doesnt bother me, I just feel like thats wrong and I want to change it. I know this keeps me from feeling pain but I'm missing out on some beautiful feelings.
Hi Sylvia - I found your article very interesting and I would be interested to hear your 'take' on my problem. I'm 31 and all through my teens and early 20s I suffered from depression, I had a number of breakdowns during that time and I was often suicidal. However, I've been 'well' for approx 6 years now and these days I feel fine :-) Early this year I met a nice guy and we are now officially together. We are intimate together and are sleeping together. He told me a while ago he was falling in love with me, which was lovely, but, and here's the problem, I feel emotionally detached from him. I like him - I wouldn't be with him otherwise - but search as I might, I can't find within myself that I actually love him and i don't really miss him when we're apart. I wonder if my earlier experiences with mental heath problems causes me to be emotionally detached? My brain says he's a keeper, but my heart is silent on the matter. Any ideas?!Hi sarah
; I'm just wondering , did u ever get rid of this feeling after posting this ? Lately I've been feeling a bit similar , but slightly different , I feel as if I'm definitely into my boyfriend , when I'm with him I'm so happy , but when I think of my feelings of not really missing him that's when I feel it most , but then again I think its because I've been spending everyday with him and we need time to miss eachother , I'm sure this feeling will go away hopefully , because I don't think I can be with anyone else .. But I'd really like to know how ur out come was .Hi sarah
; I'm just wondering , did u ever get rid of this feeling after posting this ? Lately I've been feeling a bit similar , but slightly different , I feel as if I'm definitely into my boyfriend , when I'm with him I'm so happy , but when I think of my feelings of not really missing him that's when I feel it most , but then again I think its because I've been spending everyday with him and we need time to miss eachother , I'm sure this feeling will go away hopefully , because I don't think I can be with anyone else .. But I'd really like to know how ur out come was .
I have started to become detached...or to be honest...I have felt a certain detachment for several years now...I have pushed everyone whom I once loved...such as all of my family members...my children...and what makes it's so dreadfully awful is...I have no desire to be a part of their lives...and whenever I feel myself becoming close to anyone...or anything...I end up pushing them out of my life...or making them feel they are no longer loved by me..and now I feel it's getting even worse...I don't have any friends...I don't go out unless I have to...otherwise...I have become a recluse...I have no desire to do anything...and what I do...I have to make myself do it...I push myself to even get a bath....10 years ago...I wasn't this way at all...the one day I got tired of being hurt...so I feel if I don't allow myself to care for anyone...then I won't have to continue to go through this.I have prayed...as well as others for me to over-come whatever this is...I haven't seen my children...(2 grown sons)....and their families for almost 10 years...as well as my Mom.Please...if you can dirrect me towards helping myself to get over this....Please do...I also suffer from PDS...as well as panic attact disorders.Thank You,Sincerely,Jade
i used to be such a fun person who loved being around people!! and im only 19 so this seems like something that shouldn't be happening to me. i don't usually talk about it to anyone but its starting to make me feel more anxious and not myself than ever. Iv felt myself get distant from the people i love the most and the people who have always been there for me, i started to blame what was going on the people closest to me, and know it made me more distant to everyone.It also made me feel that everything around me was fake and that the people round me were fake. However im trying to get through it and forget about it and the more i try not to think about it and keep myself busy the more i start to feel like myself again. its been going on for a while nw prob for a year. but after readthis article made me make sense of what im going through so hopefully i will get through this soon ! thank you helps alot
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